what a year it’s been

I DID UPDATE THIS A LITTLE  TOOK SOMETHINGS OUT AND ADD SOMETHINGS I THINK IT NEEDED SORRY IF ANYONE WAS HURT OR ANGERED BY THIS JUST TRYING TO DOCUMENT MY JOURNEY.

 

I thought I would share what the year has been for my 2 girls and me.  I don’t want anyone to think I am doing a poor me I am a single mom just write what our year has been just getting off my chest.i ended 2017 and stared 2018 in 20,000.00 in debt I had never been in debt in my life and it sucks big time but it was beyond my control I had to pay rent and by basic needs . I moved my 2 girls from a townhouse to a 1 bedroom apartment in hopes I could afford the 1 bedroom apartment but to do that the management company made me pay for the townhouse and 1 bedroom apartment making me max out my credit card. only did it in hopes of a brighter future and being able to pay bills without my credit card because if we hadn’t moved I don’t know where we would be.   we did make a new friend a the complex she is an older lady and the girls love her she is very kind and loves to have us over.

 

my oldest daughter tells me every day she hates me and I am mean for not letting her use my cell phone all day of making her take a bath, enforcing rules, and giving her chore without paying her. I tell her she is apart of this family and it our job to work together to keep this place clean and her reward is having a clean apartment, clean dished to eat off of etc. I know it’s just her age and one day she will understand she is a very kind older sister.

my apartment almost burnt down somehow the stove turned on and a box of goldfish that was by the microwave got on the burner while we were at the nice lady’s house we dealt with smoke for a month and luckily I think all the smoke is gone.

I have luckily every month been able to pay the bills due even though my bank account is always -200 dollars and never be able to buy the basic stuff we need.

we also got fleas because the grass outside our apartment has them I have been dealing with that for a while I found a 100.00 dollars that I stashed away I thought to my self, yes I can get new clothes and replace the see-through ones  + the ones with holes no stuck luck the cat need flea medication, I had to bug bomb the apartment ,it still didn’t work we still have fleas so I am going to try a new flea medication and the at just ran out of cat litter .

I do get to stay home with my girls which I am very grateful for but at the same time, it’s my only option I would never be able to pay for daycare or a babysitter.

I worry every day about paying bills and making rent every month just like a lot of people. laundry piled up its clean but still not put away, running around after 2 toddlers all day while taking care of an infant keeps me busy m-th .

I know I have mentioned this is a couple of posts that i babysit as my income they are also in foster care so I don’t no day to day if I am going to have that child or not that’s why it’s also hard with my income being so crazy I went for 3 kids to 1 kid to 2 kids . I have thought about going back to school but putting myself in more debt just sound very good to me I can’t afford the debt I have now. looking bad on things I would have changed something and maybe not moved where we are now but I wasn’t in the mindset to make decisions I was an emotional mess and had everything taken away and thrown at me at the same time there just wasn’t enough time to think about the future or what was happening I still 2 1/2 years later struggle day to day with lots of things and no I don’t need therapy.

I do tries. I just seem to fail.I put everything I have into things but it just doesn’t work out you name it, I have tried it. I know I am very lucky. and am very grateful.

I do not mean to upset anyone that reads this but I am home 24-7 with toddlers and just need to let is all go. I am very lucky I know and am very blessed with the kids I have . and am lucky to have what I do have in life I am not ungrateful at all even thou  some might take it as being ungrateful just doing my yearly roundups one day I will hopefully look back on this  and be in a better financial state.  i hope you all have had a wonderful year so far and hope you have a wonderful holiday where ever you are and however you celebrate .

 

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